This post is not about the glorious craft of writing at all. It’s not even about the heart-rending inspiration which lead me to write my previous, serious post about figure skating. This is all silliness. Let’s have fun!
As I was watching Ice Dancing on the Olympics the other night, I saw an American team, Emily Samuelson and Evan Bates, dancing in this:
Which is cute, to a certain extent. I’ve never really been a leather fringe kind of girl, but this isn’t a fashion blog. I wear blue shirts with jeans, who am I to judge? (By the way, if it’s a fashion blog you’re looking for, look no further than Go Fug Yourself.)
Then the music started. At first I didn’t think it would be that bad, because I’ve heard a few Dixie Chicks songs I liked. “Goodbye Earl?” Yes please. Then about a quarter of the way into the song, the Chicks sang:
“You cain’t afford no r-ii-ing…
I should be wearin’ white but you cain’t ‘ford no ring”
Oh, sweet Mother of Harmony. I’m assuming that in English, these lyrics mean, “I want to get married but you’re a broke loser.” No matter how well Samuelson and Bates skated, throughout their entire performance all I wanted was to do was either:
- Call my friend who lives in France and beg him to smuggle me into his country and let me live in one of his friends’ wine cellars. You know, just until I get on my feet.
OR - Put the damn tv on mute. I’m not good with authority, and I’m pretty sure that includes immigration officials. Also, I don’t have my friend’s cell number—he lives in France. We email.
So there it is. This has taken me so much time, I think I’ll save the actual lists for tomorrow: things that make me proud to be an American, instead of this. Which makes me want to live in a French person’s wine cellar.